Fictional Negative Book Reviews (Of Real Classics)
At this point “After Dinner Conversation” has 75 short stories, 3 anthologies, and a monthly magazine series out on Amazon. Most of our reviews are positive. Some are negative. Both are typically very fair. We aren’t for everyone. But sometimes we get negative reviews that are simply comically absurd. So, in honor of the “comically absurd” negative reviews that all authors get, we thought we would create our own fictional list of “absurd negative reviews” for famous books. Feel free to add your own in the comments.
Great Gatsby: Whole book is about SELLING ALCHOL, which was illegal at the time! I can't support a book that supports illegal behavior. (One Star)
Lord of the Rings: Too many songs. Needs more action.
To Kill a Mockingbird: This is not a helpful book at all. There are no tips to remove that pesky mockingbird from my tree. He even mocked me for buying such a pointless book. (One star)
Dune: too gritty.
Death of a Salesman: I thought for sure this had something to do with telemarketers getting what they deserved. One star.
A Clockwork Orange: So so story, marred by poor grammar. One Star
Call of the Wild: OMG... Basically a story about the kidnapping and abuse of a dog. How can anyone think this is appropriate reading?
Crime And Punishment: I don't like long books. (One Star)
Perks of Being a Wallflower: The Catcher in the Rye is to Perks of Being a Wallflower as Keeping Up With The Kardashians is to Jersey Shore.
Autobiography of Malcolm X:. Read 300 pages getting invested in the main character only to have him get killed off at the end of the book. Probably will read the sequel anyway just to see how they bring him back. (Two stars)
The Princess Bride: This abridgment deliberately obscures the author's intent. (One star)
The Catcher in the Rye: Book arrived all worn out like it had been living in a kid's pocket for a year. (one star)
Lolita: The girls name is DOLORES. 1 star.
Harry Potter And The Sorcerer's Stone:. Catching the snitch is worth too many points. Makes the whole book feel absurd and unbelievable. (One Star)
Animal Farm: What the hell kind of farm is this!?!? Animals don’t talk to each other like that. (One Star)
Moby Dick: too much focus on the whale.
1984: Too political. I would have enjoyed it if it wasn’t for all the politics.
Anna Karenina: Couldn't read it. Make it be English. 1 star.
Our Bodies, Our Selves: Um, like ever heard of waxing???? EW. No stars.
